NSPCC - Help and advice - What is child abuse- Sexual abuse

NSPCC - Help and advice - What is child abuse- Sexual abuse

HEALING FROM CHILDHOOD ABUSE

Healing is not a linear process.It has its ups and downs.When you first start to heal it can be easy to feel you have finally got there. But life is not like that. You never actually get there. You just arent so wounded.What I will say is that you become more real. More authentic.A person who is healing from abuse is honestly working on themselves.In society its easy to pretend that we are all happy.So we try to live up to it. Nothing lasts neither sadness or happiness.Your healing process is a gift to mankind and society in general.When I stopped having flashbacks to childhood events two things happened. First I sort of missed it it had become facinating. Secondly I was relieved that no longer would I have to keep going back. Eventually the door of my memories of childhood sexual abuse closed.Its as if it no longer is there in form. I dont need to go back.My healing now is ona more subtle level. I have to deal with the way the abuse affected me in the way I deal within the world.I cant believe how well I did looking back, as my life has been successful in a lot of ways.I am also healing on a more spiritual level.I am healing because I was also Ritualy Abused. But thats another story and one that I dont care to ever talk about openly.I hope that you get something from my posts. Thats why Im writing them. So that you who are reading may discover the reason why you feel so wrong, sad, bad, unhappy, ill, mad,neurotic..Its called post traumatic distress.I know because I had it and until I started my journey of healing I thought it was normal.
I am about to go on an 8 month closed retreat so will not be posting again until December. Feel free to leave any comments and I will answer them on my return.

GETTING HELP

You cant do this alone. You need support. Often those who have been sexually abused isolate. The family of origin may have kept them apart from others.There are many support groups now.
JOIN ONE!
There were hardly any groups when it happened to me. We had to meet in secret as this was a taboo subject. Even reading material was ordered in secret.Thats the problem with abuse the secrecy.The first contact with anyone will be difficult but once done the healing will start.
Its a very long time ago since all this happened to me. The group I joined were wonderful. But I spent the first few weeks denying that I needed to be there. They were all ill and I wasnt. Then one day I let go and realised I was them. Their stories were mine.I began to tell my story to others and then to myself.You may think your story is totaly shocking and no one will want to hear.Stick to telling your story to those who are on a healing path from abuse. Choose carefuly who you tell so that you get support in the early vulnerable years.You may want to tell everyone now that the cats out of the bag.If you are going to confront an abuser or you are angry dont react or act out too soon.
If all this makes sense to you and you need help.
Remember you are not alone.

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse: Amazon.co.uk: Ellen Bass, Laura Davis: Books

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse: Amazon.co.uk: Ellen Bass, Laura Davis: Books

A unique book on healing from sexual abuse. It saved my life and made me realise I was not alone or mad.

FLASHBACKS

BOOM!!You are teleported into another dimension. Or so it seems. You go back to your childhood events as if it were now. It can happen anywhere. When it happens its scary. When you get beyond scary it becomes fascinating. Its like searching a family tree you knew nothing about. My mother asked me a question. In reply I told her that someone in the family had been abusing me. But it didnt just stop there, I had let the tiger loose and it wasnt going back into the cage.I started to remember other abuses much worse. In the end I couldnt find a person who had not abused me. Including my mother!!! Peoples reaction to sexual abuse by a mother is very strong. You will have a reaction to it while you read this.

Amazon.com: Spiritual Emergency (New Consciousness Reader): Stanislav Grof: Books

Amazon.com: Spiritual Emergency (New Consciousness Reader): Stanislav Grof: Books

A book which describes what spiritual emergence is.Making sense of what can only be described as a feeling of decent into madness.On the contrary it tells how emerging memories of childhood abuse are in fact a spiritual emergence.

THE BEGINNING OF THE JOURNEY

Did you ever feel that you were going mad but knew you werent? Do you wonder why your insides feel like they are bursting out of your skin?Why you see the world differently to others. Spiritual emergence is not well known. Because of this many people who start to feel sad or depressed or downright crazy are labeled as mentaly unwell. They may be. But they may also be having a spiritual emergence and there will be no one to pick up the pieces or even understand what is happening to them.Sometimes it turns into a spiritual emergency which can lead to drug or alcohol abuse and many other extremes.
When it happened to me I dont know why but I trusted the process.Even though everything inside and the people outside thought I was going crazy. I started to have flashbacks to my childhood. I add that I was not in therapy at the time. It could happen anywhere anytime. But I kept on working and led my life as it was. But in fact it was all falling apart.Somewhere in my mind I knew I was spiritualy emerging. I cant explain it.
My whole life opened up. I remembered my birth and also before that.I wondered about discussing this at first but I feel that it may help anyone who feels that they may be experiencing similar things. It happened a long time ago and I have survived it.
Although I knew something extraordinary was happening it wasnt until I read Spiritual Emergence that it confirmed it.
I will try to write a bit more on this subject as I go along.But I am not an expert. I am only writing from my own perspective.